Motherhood 101: The Good The Bad and The Ugly First Year

The summer of babies is upon us.

I thought I’d start compiling a list – for me to revisit and read when I’m in sleep-deprived psychosis, flying off the handle at every little thing, weeping over the dirt on my floor.
And for the other new moms out there who are at this very moment yelling at their pets and spouses, wondering if they will ever feel normal again, you will.

I’ll start with the very practical.

1. Don’t be quiet when the baby is sleeping. Do not tiptoe or whisper or do anything equally stupid. Train that little bug to sleep through ANYTHING. Live your life at normal volume – vacuum, watch TV, talk on the phone, open and close doors. Just keep living.

2. Don’t “save” the cute clothes. They grow so fast. Put them in your favorite outfit as often as you can – because before you know it you’ll be an weepy mess, sniffling as you put it in the attic, regretting every time you “saved it” and went with something that was “okay to get dirty.”

3. When your brand new little one starts crying in the grocery store (or in church, or at a funeral), don’t worry. It’s not nearly as loud as you think. You will be so worried about being “that mom” with the screaming kid that you’ll get stressed and sweaty over what sounds like, to everyone else, an innocent, raspy little newborn cry. Wait ’til they’re 2. Then they are as loud as you think.

4. It is much easier to take the whole mattress out of the crib to put new sheets on it – then just plop it back in. You’ll break a sweat, pull six muscles, and curse trying to cram your hands between the mattress and the crib slats.

5. Your body has done a nearly impossible thing – give it some grace. It might not ever look like it did when you were 19 (a moment of silence, please), but it grew, accomodated, nurtured, and birthed another human being. Anatomically, it’s staggering and nothing short of miraculous. So rest assured, soft is beautiful. Motherhood is beautiful. Your body stepped up to the plate and did the most important thing when it mattered. Give your body some grace. (And with some hard work and a year or so’s time, you can get back to a slightly softer version of normal – new normal.)


6.Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that motherhood is easy, that infants are easy. That is BULL. HOCKEY.  There are mommy bloggers out there who write enthusiastic, chipper posts about cloth diapering and the magic of breastfeeding, and they are all liars – at least liars by omission. Breastfeeding is magical, but it ain’t for sissies. It hurts like the dickens for a while, it’s exhausting, it’s enormously inconvenient. You will hear people say that babies are blessings, a heritage from the Lord. While this is absolutely true, don’t for ONE SECOND think that you’re a terrible person for wanting to set your “blessing” out on the front porch for the night because he just. won’t. stop. crying. Don’t let the glowing mothers psych you out. Know that they, too, are just trying to put their best foot forward. They’re trying to encourage you – give you some perspective and some hope. But let’s be straight for two seconds: Motherhood is the most precious, wonderful thing I’ve done with my life to date. It’s also the hardest.

7.Advocate for your baby. Just like before you were a mom, you will be obligated to attend work, school, church, and social functions etc. You will have people counting on you to be somewhere, like a wedding or a funeral or some other once-in-a-lifetime thing. And there WILL BE times when these expectations clash with the needs of your baby. Trying to find an achievable balance feels treacherous, and like a lose-lose situation. You either disappoint people you care about, miss out on special occasions, risk being misunderstood and possibly whispered about – or you suffer the agony of knowing you didn’t do what was best for your baby.
Tell people No! Right after you have a baby, everyone wants to come by and see you... i mean the baby-- lets face it, you're second fiddle now. Over stimulation can be a lot for the baby. People will understand. And if people do come by, or you go somewhere, you’ll know when it’s too much. You’ll know because you’ll feel like you’re about to die. You will know when being home in your baby’s safe, familiar place is more important than anything else going on that day. Your baby cannot speak up for herself – so you must advocate for him/her. It’s okay to look all the expectations and obligations, disappointment and disapproval in the face and say, “No. We need to go home now.”

8.  And finally, rest assured that every other mother’s house has been as dirty as yours is, probably worse. I’ve recited the last stanza of a poem called “Song for a Fifth Child” by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton to myself a thousand times. It calms down my racing mind long enough to make me sit still – and be fully present for my daughter.

…The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

9. Don't buy any baby/pregnancy items new. Wait until after your shower (if you have one) then use the power of social media/friends/family/church groups etc. to put the word out about what you need. Whatever hasn't trickled in for free, buy used. Spending loads of money to buy things your beautiful precious child will poop, pee, and spit up on is ridiculous. Your child won't know the difference. The things that survive can be passed on to bless someone else! Splurge instead on some lovely clothes for your post baby body, because you deserve to feel and look good, plus you won't poop or pee on them:)

10. CRIB : layer waterproof pad, sheet, waterproof pad, sheet. That way if there is wetness in the middle of the night you can whip the top two layers off and not have to fumble around in a state of half-sleep. I actually do this with my own bed, matress pad, sheets, matress pad, sheets. I only own two sets, I keep the other set of pillow cases folded and stuck between the mattress and box spring. That way they don't take up space in a cupboard and I never have to fold a fitted sheet. I've watched Martha Stewart's tutorial and I still can't get it right. I wash the top set once a week and if I don't get them put back on by the end of the day, no biggie, it's already made!
11.Remember, no child or parent is perfect. We all learn and grow at different rates. Don't let other parents tell you your child should be doing such and so at this time or is doing another thing too soon. DO NOT COMPARE your little one to another!! There will be times that parenting is so hard you can't help but just fall apart. Times when your child has been screaming for what seems like forever and you feel like the most helpless being in the world. During these times, I don't think it is the end of the world to let your child cry it out for a little while so that you can get a much needed break. After all, a stressed-out, crying, tired completely and consistently responsive mother probably isn't any better than a mother who occasionally lets her child "cry it out" for a little while so that she can get a much needed brain break and return to her child more refreshed and with a clearer mind.   

12. RELAX, SIT OUTSIDE and have a beer or wine and just remember to ask for help.


And that’s all I got. Except for pray a lot and take all the help you can get.
Veteran moms, what would you add? New moms in the trenches of 1st year, what have I forgotten?